Route 66 - Day Three (Joplin, MO to Elk City, TX)

To preface Day 3, since I got an internet connection on the night of Day 2, I was like a heroin addicted kid in a smack candy store. So I stayed up until 2 a.m., not doing anything particularly important. I hate you, internet.

This led into my mood on Day 4: CRANKY AND TIRED. It was the overarching theme of the day. What was worse, it was my day to drive. So Iv and I did a lot of bickering, 'cause he was a bit cranky, too, but his wasn't due to lack of sleep.

Leaving Montana, we wanted to stay mostly faithful to old Route 66, so we cut through the south-east corner of Kansas. A lot of 'Dust in the Wind' and 'Wizard of Oz' comments ensued. I don't think Ivan liked me calling him 'Dorothy' for the drive through.

The only thing of semi-note we saw in Baxter Springs was a cafe that used to be a bank that Frank & Jesse James held up. It's now a 'Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives' featured restaurant (that wasn't open when we got there).

Next: O-kla-homa! Where the wind blows gently through the trees! Commerce and Miami were towns that got bypassed by the interstate, and shrivelled up. Nice towns, but sad to see what they were now vs. what they were like.

Commerce was also notable due to me changing out of my shorts and into pants on Main Street. It was freezing! I severely underestimated the temperature getting warmer (which it didn't until Texas).

Past Miami, we had the privilege of driving part of the original Route 66 highway that was a one-lane highway (also known as the 9 foot highway, or the Sidewalk Highway). We took it for a few miles. No maintenance to it since at least the early 70s, if not earlier, so there were a lot of parts where the pavement was gone.

We stopped in Vinita. Why? For calf fries, of course, at Clanton's Cafe. It was another 'Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives' place, but I didn't realize this until we were inside and there was a pic of Guy Fieri on the wall.

Super friendly people in Clanton's. Our waitress was nice, and so was Jim, a regular who came over to talk to us, and tell stories about Vinita (one I remember was that he claimed the first commercial signal from space was in Vinita due to a local who invented a garage door opener that malfunctioned and bounced off of Sputnik when it was passing overhead in 1957).

What are calf fries? Calf fries = prairie oysters = bull testicles. Iv refused to try them, but I thought, "why not?" People eat them down here. They weren't bad, but nothing special.

Jim told us that they don't have the best ones here, and that farmers usually keep the better ones for themselves.

Pictured: me and balls; our friendly waitress; Ivan & Jim)




We didn't eat again until Oklahoma City (OKC), which was NOT smart. Tired and cranky combined with low blood sugar made for more bickering. Over what, I can't remember now. But it wasn't a good trip.

We stopped at the Catoosa Blue Whale, and talked to the local guys running the thing. It was a nice stop. From there, we drove through Tulsa, mainly to see Oral Roberts University and the giant praying hands (which I believe were modelled after the 900 foot Jesus Oral Roberts had a vision of).

There's a huge amount of money sunk into that place, which you're not aware of until you see the size of the buildings and the amount of flair in how they're designed.

We took more of old 66 to OKC, and planned to stop at Russ's Ribs in Bristow for a late lunch. But it was closed. Blargh!

We pressed onward to the Rock Cafe in Stroud (which a lot of the feel of the movie 'Cars' was based on, apparently. It looked nice, but was a dive inside, so Ivan wanted to keep going. Double blargh!

Arcadia was nice on old 66: it had a historic round barn that was restored, and an old rock gas station that wasn't. Both were worth seeing.
(Arcadia round barn & Arcadia square, roofless, gasless gas station)

Finally, OKC. Blood sugar was dangerously low. My driving was getting more frazzled, and my mood ring was midnight black. We stopped and ate at Earl's, which was a bit chain-y, but had good food. Though I was starving, I couldn't finish the amount of food on my plate: ribs, brisket, Italian sausage links, and fried baloney, plus a loaded baked potato and baked beans.

What was very moving to see, but didn't help the mood, was going to the Oklahoma City Memorial after dinner. I was choked up, despite not knowing too much about the Oklahoma City bombing. I don't think being tired helped, either, but seeing the individual children's memorials was pretty sad.

Again, we drove: on to Elk City, where we found a Day's Inn and collapsed. BUT...before collapsing, I fiddled around with my network settings, and realized there was an ID-10-T error with my computer: I had put ultra-high security on it, which precluded my computer from accessing most free wi-fi hotspots.

Grr...maybe this will help wean me off of the internet. Maybe.

Route 66 - Day Two (Farmersville, IL to Joplin, MO)

Good morning! We woke up and drove to Jubelt's Bakery in Litchfield for breakfast. It smelled good, bakery-wise, but the food wasn't great. So we chowed down, and took off to see a giant ketchup bottle. Or is it catsup?

From giant ketchup to giant mounds. Kahokia Mounds was okay, but it was just a lot of grassy mounds. On to St. Louis!

Okay, St. Louis was also okay, but it was just a lot of grassy mounds. Not really. It was a lot of buildings, and the Gateway Arch was nice, but we bypassed it, except for one thing: frozen custard!!!

The girls there were nice, and the one on the right recommended pumpkin pie frozen custard.

IT WAS AWESOME! Iv had an Oreo one, which was also good, but not as good as mine!

A lot of religious and country channels abound; some were one and the same. One lyric I remember while scanning through was "I make a lot of hay for a little pay".

We took a side trip to try to find a place called Devil's Elbow. Very elusive. Ivan wanted to see it simply because the name sounded cool, but I remember reading about it, and thinking, "There's nothing there." Even though I've said it many times after looking for it, I'll say it again: Iv, I told you so. It was basically a bridge over a river. But at least we drove on old 66 for a while, which was cool.

We then busted it to Meramec Caverns, which was a must-see for me on the trip (I only had three must-sees: Meramec, the Big Texan, and the Grand Canyon). If I were able to, and not as almost claustrophobic as I am acrophobic, I'd do some spelunking as a hobby.

Meramec was definitely worth it for me. For one, it was 15C when we walked in, which is a perfect temp for me. I run hot (take note, women, and hot post-op trannies), so it was very cool in there to walk around. We were led through a guided tour, which was good.

At one point, our tour guide mentioned that it takes about 100 years for 1 mm of stalactite to form. After the tour, we asked him a question that I whispered to Ivan at the time, to our amusement: had he'd ever gotten the challenge that since the world was only created 6 000 years ago, that would've been impossible? Ivan didn't think he would've had the question asked, whereas I was sure he had.

Sure enough, he's had it a few times from people. "Some people don't want to hear anything that refutes their beliefs," he said, "and some people just want to argue."

So I splashed some holy water on him and he screamed and melted.

From there, we drove mostly on old 66 to the end of the day, which was a slower trip, but also cool to do the original drive. We stopped for late lunch at the Circle Inn Malt Shop, where I was so distracted by old women smoking there, I forgot to order a malt. Damn, I love malts! They had okay chili, though, and cheap prices.

The town of Cuba was next: not really on my list, but should've been. A lot of really nice Route 66-related murals were all over buildings through this small town. We both enjoyed it.

The Incontinental Divide: while driving further, I thought I immediately lost control of bodily functions until I looked at Ivan, who was grinning, and realized he turned my seat warmer on without telling me.

So we drove and drove, and got to Joplin, MO, close to the Texas border. Iv wanted to watch a UFC fight that night, since there was a Croatian guy fighting, so we drove around town, looking for both a motel (we hadn't yet figured out the 'Points of Interest' option on the GPS) and a place that was showing UFC.

After stopping at three hotels, Ivan was about to lose it until we pulled into the Comfort Inn, where Tia, the desk clerk, was grabbing a smoke outside. She gave us a deal, and we stayed there. I am fairly convinced that she saved Iv from a coronary, and when I told her this while checking in, she gave me another discount. Thanks, Tia! The room was the nicest one we've stayed in up to Day 6, too, and was about $67 after tax, plus breakfast.

Third day without internet, until I jacked on to the Days Inn signal from next door. Hooray!