Dr. Davis, telephone please. Dr. Davis, telephone please. Dr. Blair, Dr. Blair; Dr. J. Hamilton, Dr. J. Hamilton

I can't remember where I heard the above quote first, but it's a bit of stock audio that's been thrown into pretty much every film or television show that has a scene in a hospital. It's even shown up in a couple of songs.

I've seen it come up in a bunch of places on the internet, but not compiled in one place. My OCD thanks everyone for this. Here's the most complete list I could come up with, to date. I've included links to a couple of examples, and have tried to include precise information, if possible, where the quote may have shown up. From what I can see, the earliest easily provable example of it showing up was in 1985's 'Death Wish 3' (I don't know exactly when it would've appeared on 'Another World', but if someone goes through 45 years of episodes to find it, I'll buy them a beer).

Someone's even created a Spotify playlist for this quote, which is only four songs, but still, oddly specific. Anyway, here's the list, cobbled together through things you can hear, and bits noted by others on the internet:

• Another World (TV) (1964-2009)
• Death Wish 3 (1985)
• Queensryche: Operation Mindcrime - Eyes of a Stranger (1988)
• Queensryche: Operation Mindcrime - I Remember Now (1988)
• Motley Crue: Terror n Tinseltown (TNT) - Dr. Feelgood (1989)
• Peacemaker (1990)
• The Flash (TV) (1990-91)
• Naughty By Nature: Naughty By Nature - Everything's Gonna Be All Right (aka Ghetto Bastard) (1991)
• Body Parts (1991)
• Juice (1992)
• Phish - Catapult (from A Picture of Nectar) (1992)
• The Practice (TV) (1997-2004)
• Emergency Room (videogame) (2000?)
• CSI (TV) (2000-present)
• Catch Me If You Can (2002)
• America's Army (videogame series) (2002 - present)
• Nip/Tuck (TV) (2003-2010)
• NCIS (TV) (2003-present)
• Prison Break (TV) (2005-2009)
• The Savages (2007)
• The 9th Life of Louis Drax (2016)

Stewart Pritchard's Hopes and Dreams

(from 'Hello Ladies', S01E04 - The Date)

Learn saxophone to superb level
Feel at home in a private plane - don't ask stupid questions
Have a threesome. Me plus two women
Expand business empire
Learn to relax during a lapdance

Travel to the Middle East - not the violent bits
Inspire a black kid to stay in school
Seduce stewardess on  transatlantic flight
Get sister's teeth fixed

Date a model. Take her to school reunion. See the look on Mike Moffat's face
Make Trudy regret her decision
Experience love (reciprocated)
Wife. Kids. Happiness.
Don't die alone


Finally pull the trigger on scuba lessons (trust the tank?)
Understand poetry
Have the perfect quote for every situation
Know the best dish at top restaurants (LA, NY, Chicago?)
Have nerve to order off-menu
Be a regular at a restaurant (classy/non-chain)
Have one story that never fails
Be someone's best friend
Find right underwear for body type
Never wear same outfit twice

Know how to tip with confidence
Own a house with a spiral staircase
Learn to relax during a lapdance

(Read by other characters, but not displayed on screen)

• If grey hair happens, make it work
• Wife. Kids. Happiness?

The Dead Pool

Aside from Jim Carrey lipsynching to GnR, it wasn't a great movie, even with Liam "I'm gonna find you" Neeson in it. But that's an aside. Margaret Thatcher and Annette Funicello died today, making me wonder who the third person will be, and who will go in the next nine months.

So here's my dead pool for 2013, in no particular order:

• Queen Elizabeth II (I probably didn't have to add 'II' to the end. It's not like there are a lot of other living Queen Elizabeths she'd get mixed up with)
• George Michael
• Amanda Bynes
• Hazel McCallion
• P.D. James

80s Action Movies Belong in the 80s

Just watched the first two episodes of the fifth and final season of 'Breaking Bad'. They're great. While watching, I wondered what Jonathan Banks, who plays Mike Ehrmantraut, had been in before.

When I IMDb'd him, I found out he was the #1 henchman in Beverly Hills Cop, so I streamed it to catch him in it. He was good. Even 28 years ago, Banks was a creepy character actor.

Despite looking like Phil Hartman.

"No more half measures."

Now he looks like Ben Kingsley, who is also a badass, if you've seen 'Sexy Beast'.

See?

But lookalikes aside, I watch BHC for the first time since probably the late 80s. Ecch. If you dislike Jerry Bruckheimer's oeuvre now, you should've seen it back then. Honestly. Try to watch Beverly Hills Cop. It doesn't withstand the test of time. My suspension of disbelief had to be partnered with turning off some basic motor skills in order to understand how...wait, why am I writing a review of the movie? All I'll say is try to watch it again, and tell me how this was the highest grossing movie of 1984.

Then again, maybe you shouldn't watch it, and should keep a memory of it being awesome when you were 13. But Jonathan Banks was cool.

The Dark Nightie

Heading to see the new Batman flick in IMAX today with my best friend, George. Mildly worried about my drastically underfunded bank account, and have dug into a pile of toonies to fund today's misadventure.

George and I took a screenplay writing class a couple of years ago, and have had a screenplay languishing ever since. More creativity has been lost via drinks and scattered notes than we will know. When I enter heaven, I expect God to play out my life on a big screen for me, and show a beach with two sets of footprints, then only one me an afternoon drinking and writing with George, freeze frame it, and say, "THINE FOURTH WHISKY SOUR PREVENTED THOU FROM SCRIBING AN OSCAR-WINNING SCREENPLAY, MY CHILD."

Apparently, there's a porn flick called "Batbabe: The Dark Nightie". Its synopsis on IMDb is as follows:

Bacchum City is being plagued by the maniacal Jerker who sets in motion a plan to steal all of the pornography in the land. He keeps it locked away in his phallically styled helicopter, waiting for the townsfolk to become consumed in sexual anxiety. But Wendy Wane, a strip club mogul by day, slips into her seductive alter ego Batbabe at night to combat the evils of The Jerker and his clown henchmen. Aided by hopelessly incompetent Commissioner Boredom and sexy lesbian District Attorney Henrietta Bent, Batbabe must summon the courage to continue promoting her standard random ten-minute promiscuities and corner The Jerker before he forces her to permanently retire.

I wonder who writes screenplays for porn? I could do that. It'd be 10 pages of dialogue for a 90 minute film, I'd think, with a lot of action lines that simply say:

CUT TO BONING

I believe with the above action, I can safely tell people I've written 80% of a (porn) screenplay.

Welcome back, me! Now what?

It's been a while since I've blogged. The trigger for this post was someone I messaged on OKCupid who has a beautiful food blog. As I simultaneously read and stuffed sushi into my face, I thought, "Why don't I do this again?"

I still don't have a theme for my blog. I'm a foodie, but don't really cook. I called the blog 'Fathers of Detective Fiction' with an original intent about blogging about detective fiction / crime fiction, but haven't done that yet. Currently, I'm reading 'The Heroin Diaries: A Year in the Life of a Shattered Rock Star' by Nikki Sixx & Ian Gittins, which is about as far away from detective fiction as you can get, unless you decide to reflect on the mystery of why Nikki Sixx is not dead yet.

I could blog about karaoke places around the city, except I feel like I could sum them up pretty quickly:

• Twister Karaoke: decent and fairly clean, with happy pappasan and dour mammasan at the counter. Fairly updated songs.
• Yonge Karaoke: Songs are pretty dated, with occasional 'new' songs from the last 2-3 years. Bathrooms are sketchy, couches are uncomfy, bring Purel, and FOR GOD'S SAKE DON'T TURN ON THE BLACK LIGHT
• XO Karaoke: not as good as Twister, since their couches are lumpy, but song selections are okay.
• BMB Karaoke and Music Studio: alcohol-free rooms are downstairs, acohol fuelled are upstairs. Good second choice if XO is filled up.
• Place across from BMB (downstairs. Or maybe it's across from XO? I'm usually past the point of fine detail to remember exactly where it is): so-so, but it gets bonus points for having 'Home Sweet Home' by the Crüe, and 'Sail Away' by Styx. Don't judge.
• Bar Plus: my favourite! Across from Zanzibar's Above the Swiss Chalet at Yonge & Dundas. Has an Android/iPhone app for songs to mark favourites, is clean, bright, and up-to-date tunes. All karaoke places should aspire to be Bar Plus. If I win the lottery, I'm opening up one similar to this.

So if I were a karaoke blogger, I'd have one post. Sure, I could throw in more details about the ambience, the crowd, the drink selection, etc., but that's pretty much it. Go to Bar Plus if you're downtown, XO if you're around Bloor & Christie, and Twister if you're at Yonge & Finch.

Me and my pal Brett, Twister Karaoke, sometime in 2010, I think

Maybe there is no theme. I'd like a theme, though. If anyone I know reads this and thinks I'm missing something obvious, let me know.

Route 66 - Day 13 - Nashville, TN to Toronto, ON!

Pancake Pantry for breakfast. I ordered the Village Smithy Colo Santa Fe cornmeal pancakes, with bacon, cheese, and green chiles in them. As recommended, I covered them with butter, sour cream, salsa, and maple syrup. Tasty!

We drove down 17th St. to get out of the city, which turned into (I think it was called) Music Row: a lot of recording studios and music-related businesses. It was a good indication of how important music is to Nashville. I'm definitely coming back to Nashville!

We're on our way home today, which should be about 12 hours of driving, not including stops. Minor worry for Ivan this morning: he can't find his passport. It's funny what people worry about in different ways, because he's not overly worried, where I'd be freaking out. He's pretty sure it's buried in his luggage, since he hadn't torn it apart yet. We'll stop before the border to look.

Stopped at the Steak 'n Shake outside Florenceville, Kentucky for lunch; never had their stuff before, but was quite good. Chocolate mocha shake, too. I hope I can convince Iv to stop for a malt before we cross the border...

Is it strange we just drove through the entire state of Kentucky without seeing a KFC?

Passed Cincinnati, passed Dayton, and got to Detroit. Sad, abandoned Detroit.



Cincinnati drive-by; Detroit, Cleveland, and Lagrange (ow ow ow ow); Ambassador Bridge in Detroit, which has not yet been stripped for copper wiring.

We got to the border without stopping to look for Iv's passport. I asked him at least three times if he was sure we'd be okay, and Ivan said, "Well, we'll see if my confidence pays off..."

The border guard asked for our passports, so Iv handed him mine, and handed him his driver's license, saying, "I misplaced my passport, but here's my driver's license, and I have my health card and Social Insurance card if you need to see them."

The guy looked at it, asked us the standard questions, and waved us through. Wow! A border guard with common sense.

So we kept driving, and finally, Yonge St.!

Here's a vid of the end of the trip:



Thanks for following, everyone! It's been a great trip, and I'm really glad I did some journalling/blogging about all of this. See you soon!